Having Problems With Words

I've been going back and forth about this blog post, trying to come up with interesting topics for readers and writers, all full of insightful sayings and learned wisdom.

Ten Ways Writers Are Like Fish.

The Best Way To Write A Query Letter Using Rhyme And Interpretive Dance. 

Web 2.0 For Left Handed Writers Living In Asia. 

Reasons I Hate Writing And Love Rum

But actually I thought I’d try to write something more honest, less contrived, and less aimed at a particular group of people.

Writing's not going so well right now, and I can't work out if it's the story, the words, or me. Fresh off the high of the book deal, I launched into a new novel. High hopes flourished and in my mind's eye I saw the appreciative, fawning looks of thankfulness as I allowed my agent and publisher to read the first draft.

OK, that last bit's made up. But I did - in common with a lot of writers, I hope - kind of want to write the book, and have people like it.

Writing Eren took a long time but I don't think I'd say it was incredibly hard. It was a story I knew and I wrote it down, then chiseled at those words till they looked pretty.

This book, though - I don't know. Maybe I've just been too busy lately - I had two stories out in anthologies in the last few months, and started a new job that means writing 9 - 5. It's not a lack of writing, for me. Things are getting written. It's just that I've convinced myself, as I tend to do with every book I write, and always around chapter five, that this book is probably the worst thing that's ever been attempted. I can't give it to my agent because I quite want her to like me, and I can't give it to my publisher because they'll find a way out of the contract, oh yes they will, and then they'll probably sue me for crimes against art.

OK - I'm being facetious. Again.

But things aren't always sunshine and roses when you're writing a book (are they ever, in fact? Who are these people?), and other writers and the community around us are the best way to get on track.

This post is essentially a kick up the backside to myself, to help me organize my thoughts - and the best way to do that has always been to write. I write to work out what's going on and how I’m feeling about it all.

Maybe the book isn't bad at all, and I'm just looking for excuses not to commit. Maybe it's actually kind of OK? Maybe.

I'm not special, I realize. Every writer has this happen with a new book. I know that, in my head. Now all I have to do is get this book under control and make sure I finish it, dash it all, whether it's pants or not.

Finishing a book is what separates writers from fakers. Right?

Maybe I'll stop complaining, then.

I will write words tonight.